Guilt
by unpocoloco13
Summary: Set immediately after episode 7x01 "Driven." Kate is relieved that Castle is okay, but her guilt is eating away at her. Will Castle's comfort be a help or a hindrance? Caskett


**This is my first foray into the world of Castle fanfiction, so I hope this turned out ok. I usually write for either Psych or Once Upon a Time, but I had to write something after last night's episode. I hope this is a slightly different take than all of the other fics on here, but I know there are bound to be a lot of them. I was frustrated with the episode at first, but upon further evaluation, I understood why Beckett would begin to doubt him. Dont get me started on what I thought of Espo though.**

**Also, this is the first thing I've written that hasn't been for college since April, so I might be a little rusty.**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Castle, Rick and Kate would've been married years ago.**

Kate stayed curled into Rick's side for close to an hour before her tears finally subsided. She tried to push away the fear and doubt of the past 2 months, but without those feelings to focus on, she was riddled with guilt.

Guilt for believing Castle would leave her.

Guilt for thinking Castle lied to her.

But most of all, guilt for ignoring his pain in favor of her own.

The more Kate thought about, the worse she felt. Castle had been holding her, comforting her, for the last hour without any mention of the way he must feel for losing two months of his life. He just silently held her while she mourned for that missing time.

When Kate felt the burn of tears reappear behind her eyes, she breathed deeply to try to keep them at bay.

Kate's shuddering sigh was what finally pulled Castle out of his stupor. He glanced at the beautiful woman in his arms. He took in her red, puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks, and Castle's heart clenched in his chest. He couldn't imagine what she had gone through, and a small part of him was happy he couldn't remember those two months. He didn't know how he would survive without Kate or Alexis for a week, let alone eight.

Castle planted a kiss on Kate's head making a mental note to ask her about her much shorter hair. The simple gesture caused Kate's body to wrack with suppressed sobs once again. Castle sighed and tightened his hold around the petite woman. He began to talk in earnest, once again attempting to calm his fiancé.

"Shh, Kate. It's okay. I'm safe. I'm home now, and I promise I'm never going to leave you again," Rick murmured into her hair. "I love you so much, baby. I'm so sorry."

Much to Castle's surprise, his gentle words didn't have the desired effect. Instead of soothing Kate, she pulled out of Rick's grasp and rushed to the other side of the room to put as much distance between them as possible. Rick gaped at her, unsure how to react.

When he finally regained his faculties somewhat, he managed to ask, "What's the matter? I'm sorry if I-"

"Stop," Kate rasped, her voice thick with tears. "Just stop, please Castle."

Castle's face displayed his confusion. He began to move towards her slowly as if approaching a wild animal. He stopped when she vehemently shook her head.

"Castle, please," she sobbed. "You have to stop apologizing. I sould be apologizing to you. I should be comforting you, not the other way around."

"Why?"

"Why?" Kate asked incredulously. " Because I didn't believe you. I thought you lied to me. I thought you ran away without so much as a note. I should've known better. I mean, leaving me is one thing, but you would never do that to Alexis. I know how much you love her. I've seen the bond that you two have, and I know you aren't capable of doing anything to willingly hurt her. So for that I'm sorry. I should've had faith in you. Not to mention, here you are comforting me, while you're the one who is missing two months of their life."

Castle sighed. "You're right; I could never do that to Alexis, but I could never do it to you either. You and Alexis are the most important people in my life, and you need to understand that anything I'd do for her, I'd do for you too. I'd kill for you, die for you, break you out of prison if I needed to. I love you so much, Kate, and nothing you cold do is going to change that."

Kate's lips quirked in a small smile. It seemed foreign to feel something akin to happiness, no matter how slight. Kate didn't know what she did to deserve this wonderful man standing before her. She closed the gap between her and Castle, throwing her arms around his neck and pressing her lips to his. She poured all of her fear and pain lf the last two months into a bruising kiss that lasted until they began to feel lightheaded from the lack of oxygen. Kate pulled back far enough to see Rick's first genuine smile since he learned of his amnesia.

"I know I don't say it often, but I love you, Rick. Probably more than you will ever know. And I really am sorry. I swear, I'll never doubt you again" Kate said while tangling her slender fingers with his thicker ones.

Castle kissed her on the forehead before simply replying, "You have nothing to be sorry about."

Kate raised her eyebrow in question.

Rick gave a nonchalant shrug. "It's not your fault people keep giving you reasons not to trust anyone. Montgomery lied to you. Royce lied to you. Even I kept secrets from you. Granted it was to keep you safe, but still. I'm not going to condemn you for not believing in me when so many people have betrayed you."

Once again tears welled in Kate's eyes but this time for a different reason. "What did I ever do to deserve you?" she wondered aloud.

Castle tugged Kate onto the bed, her head pillowed on his chest. "I ask myself that every day."

Kate placed her ear directly over Castle's heart as a reminder that he was alive and in her arms. Kate's eyes began to drift closed as Castle rhythmically stroked her hair.

Before Kate completely succumbed to the pull of sleep she vowed that she would find the bastard that hurt the incredible man in her arms at any cost.

They would get their happy ending because no matter what happened, they would still love each other.

Always.

**Thanks for reading, and please review! Should I write more Castle, or stick to what I know? Criticism is welcome, just please, no flames. **

**Also, follow me on Twitter! My username is unpocoloco13 **


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